"dazzle gradually"

"Dazzle Gradually" 2016 poems, paintings, new art & photography--a diary, a discipline, a delight. Read over my shoulder as I post my unedited poetry ---you can see it in the raw.


Polly Alice

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Morning Sickness V

Thank you for all the supportive comments I received about my list poem, "Making Spaghetti."  I really had no idea that so many mothers’ felt the same way or that people would find it very funny.
So I'm going to add one more list poem to cyber space.  I hope you enjoy.  And maybe sometime t-shirts will be available as requested:) 
 How to Make Lasagna
1. Skip shower.  Get everyone in car.  Drop husband off at work
2. Takes kids back home
3. Clean up breakfast
3.  Feel queasy, and exhausted
4.  Put on cartoons for kids, collapse on couch
5.  Decide kids are crazy and you want to sit in the pool at the Y.
6.  You deserve a special treat!
7.  Drag butt upstairs and put on workout clothes
**Bring towel, swimsuit, clean shirt, and shower gel to take a nice long shower by yourself
8.  Drop kids off at YMCA daycare
9.  Feel guilty because they are crowded and understaffed.
10. Get sweaty and out of breath waking up stairs to track
11. Walk around upper track for 1/4 mile and observe kids in daycare below
12. Feel guilty because one looks miserable and the other is obviously stuck on top
of a slide and can't get down for about fifteen minutes.
13.  Rescue both children
14.  Think about taking them into the locker room and letting them sit on a bench while
you take that wonderful shower you promised yourself.
15.  Decide against it.
16.  Wonder why baby cries all the way home?
17.  Wonder why baby won't eat lunch or even let you spoon-feed him soup?
18.  Put baby down for a nap.
19.  Collapse on couch into a coma while Barbie sings about why being a princess is too hard,
she'd rather be doing math with her cute tutor.
20.  Wake up to screaming baby
21.  Tend screaming baby for over an hour
22.  Try teething gel, popsicle, bath, hugs, food, drinks, and Tylenol
23.  Call doctor
24.  Try to tell them that the baby won't stop crying while he screams bloody murder into the phone.
25.  Agree to bring him in right away
26.  Cram everyone into the car.
27.  Wonder why baby stops crying as soon as appointment is set?
28.  Take baby to doctor.  Sit on "well side," just to avoid contamination.
29.  See Dr.  who thinks that I and the receptionist have pulled one over on her because baby now looks innocently healthy and calm?
30.  Hear about how the baby has two terrible ear infections, and how I should not have missed my last appointment so that this would have been avoided.
31.  Drive to Target to get prescription and stuff.
32.  You deserve a treat; pick out a nice orange juice.  Promise the kids popcorn.  Go up to pay.
33.  Find out that wallet is missing.
34.  Go back out into parking lot, find car, put cart in a random spot. Promise to return to it.
35.  Drive back to Dr.'s office.  Leave kids in car.  Run inside.  Bite tongue to keep from screaming at them that you have a real and proper name when the receptionist calls you "Mom" for the sixth time.  Get wallet. (Thank God someone turned in wallet from parking lot and didn't take anything).
36.  Squat your triple size pregnant butt down into the parking lot and check under all the cars near where you might have parked to look for your cell phone.
37.  Get back in car and find cell phone in purse.
38.  Go back to Target: get OJ, popcorn, a soda, a water, and a sandwich--You really deserve a treat now!!!
39.  Agree that whiney daughter should get an slushy instead of a lemonade.  Return soda and ask for a slushy.  Listen to directions about how to fill up the slushy and to what line on the cup.
40.  Swipe target card twice.
41.  Fill up one cup with water and part OJ for baby.  Give it to him.   Fill OJ with part water for yourself.  Put popcorn in bag so it won't spill.  Throw sandwich in back of cart-- how and when did you think you were going to eat it?  Fill up slushy.  Wonder why it is not rising to the top like cashier said.  Wait a second.  Fill it more.  Wait a second.  Fill it more.  Yes, past line she mentioned.
42.  Go back to cashier because you swiped your card twice and messed up the next lady's order of three dollars and eighty cents, which was charged to you.  Get cash back for $3.80.
43.  Turn around back to kids at soda fountain.
44.  Watch as blue slushy slowly exploded and grows from a lava overflow to a cookie monster bush.
45.  Listen to daughter explain what you did wrong.
46.  Clean up mess.
47.  Get various supplies including new shoes for baby.  Drop a trail of popcorn all around the store.
48.  Don't think about how you are a messy haired, sweaty, work-out clothes wearing glob, with blue slushy, pavement muck, and baby snot all over your shirt while you pick out father's day cards.  Decide not to eat sandwhich while shopping in store to further make a scene.  Let baby eat popcorn all over the store.
49.  Target does not carry lasagna noodles.
50.  Pick up husband.  Go home.  Collapse on couch while husband makes mac 'n cheese.  Take that shower.  You deserve a treat.

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