"dazzle gradually"

"Dazzle Gradually" 2017 poems, paintings, new art & photography--a diary, a discipline, a delight. Read over my shoulder as I post my unedited poetry ---you can see it in the raw or get my first book and see how the work evolves with new books rolling out next year.


Polly Alice

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

ADD Poetry Net- 10,000 Views

So I started this blog six years ago in 2010. During that year I was tested for ADHD with an 8 minute test. I failed it. Badly. Though I was goofing off during the test reading the doctors sticky notes and I didn't understand the rules of the test very well until afterwards.  And I was pregnant, and getting my Masters Degree, and I had a toddler. So I was very tired and thinking back, the results were slightly debatable.

Three years later after a million kinds of treatments I was retested with a 21 minute test and passed with flying colors except for one thing. They said my rates or time variables in the test were a little too variable so that made me iffy. Well I was counting so I could pass. You see the random test isn't that random. So by counting the little dots and beeps and spaces or what have you, I was able to anticipate the timing of some of the test while other bits were a surprise. So I may just be too smart or too weird for the ADD test. Anyway I was declared ADD free. So after three years and about a dozen professionals later and a very expensive test that said I didn't have any memory or focus problems or Alzheimers or Autism or anything else I thought I might have-- I finally just asked, "Then can you explain why I have trouble with my memory and trouble focusing?" The answer: Stress.

Yes it was just stress. I could have saved three years of my life and a lot of side effects to meds and all kinds of money and appointments and tests if they would have told me that the first day. Stress causes many things, sometimes stress causes memory loss or attention problems.
All this to say that I'm about to hit 10,000 hits on this blog. Maybe not a lot to some people. But I'm happy about it, even though a lot of those hits may be search engines or spammers or accidental views somewhere.  However,  in about a dozen countries, my poems had at least their titles read before the page was closed. I'll take that as a victory.

Why do I mention all this (Yes ADD symptoms will make you write things out of order). Why? Because my ADD poems are my top all time poems on this blog. People seem to like those a lot. Or else they look at them a lot. And why would anyone read a poem about ADD?  Well I think all poets are a bit ADD. I know the struggle is real for many people. However I know there is somewhat of a scale. I think, it's unfair to call something that has so much potential as a gift-- a disorder. I was even told I had a disability. Which I just don't think being a poet and getting distracted a bit by toddlers, life, and a masters thesis should be called disability. I was even turned away by several counselors because I was an artist. They said I should find someone who caters to artists. Odd. I say again, being an artist or a poet is not a disability. If a poet didn't lose focus to see something or notice a random connection between images and words, or feelings and metaphors-- well there wouldn't be any poetry. Poetry I think happens when we lose our attention a bit. At least our attention on the more banal things of life or on what we are "supposed" to be doing.  Poetry comes by accident. When we lose focus-- or change focus to something new-- Something we need to remember, to play with, to make tangible. That's what poetry is. It comes from our subconscious and our imagination, the place where we used to play, but tend to forget.

So yes, my focus has been off lately. I've been stressed. I've forgotten a few things, or a lot of things. And poetry, I believe, heals my inattention. At least for me. (I also take fish oil). I highly reccommend poetry for everyone out there who feels ADD or has any version of the condition for any reason as the case may be. Sometimes I think my attention issues are exactly because there seems to be millions of poems trying to get out of my brain. Well at least a dozen. Poems are like butterflies.... Ugh. Let me try to write a poem about it or this will take all year:

ADD Poetry Net

I've got ADHD
I'm Absolutely A
Dreamer-- Hard-core
Dreamer.

My rice crispies in
a bowl of milk-
are fish in the sea.

My shoes symbolize
the places I want to
go where I want to be.

I've got ADHD
I'm A little obsessed
with Dreaming &
Hula Dancing.

Pineapple takes me
back to my fourth grade
project on Hawaii.

I'm a little
nonsensery. Forgive me
I've got ADHD.

Okay that was ridiculous, terrible, and not the poem I meant to write at all. I just wanted to say that when I feel unfocused I write a poem and all these random thoughts fly into my little poetry net and there they stay,neatly laid out in lines and stanzas. They start to make sense and I feel like all is right again. Or at least the random thoughts fly away and are at peace somewhere on the page.

So why was that so hard to get to that paragraph. Oh well. Thanks for helping me get to 10,000 views everyone. Let's get a little unfocused together.

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